Thursday, July 27, 2006

Fattened Calf with Hatred

I’m guessing I’m not the target audience for this e-mail. Although the No examinations! No classes! No textbooks! does sound appealing…..

Hate studying?

Academic Qualifications available from prestigious NON-ACC REDITED uni
versities.

Do you have the knowledge and the experience but lack the qualifications?

Ar e you getting turned down time and time again for the job of your dreams because you just don't have the right lett ers after your name?

Get the prestige that you d eserve today!

Move ahead in your career today!

Bac helors, Master s and PhD 's available in your f ield!

No examinations! No classes! No textbooks!

Call to register and receive your qual ifications within days!

24 hours a day 7 days a week!

Confidentiality assured!….


It is easier to get forgiveness than permission Give credit where credit is due Wherever you may be let your wind go free Be just before you are generous A book holds a house of gold. A man is known by the company he keeps. Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred

------
This last paragraph is what makes this e-mail different from the usual diploma mill adverts—it’s a stroke of poorly punctuated genius. It suggests that I should just go for it! Ask for forgiveness later, since it’s relatively easy to come by. I also love the vague allusions to Biblical wisdom. Nothing gives your corrupt endeavor a virtuous patina like a little fattened calf action. Although here the emphasis is on love-filled vegetable-eaters.

Mostly, though, this e-mail reminds me that I can believe in two contradictory things at once. I may never want to crack a textbook, yet I can still believe a book holds a house of gold. But it’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean that I myself don’t. I’m just as smart as any old book. I hold a house of gold too and I should be able to move ahead in my career today!

I don’t, however, understand the wind going free—is that a fart joke?

A lesson:
Q: Why is NON- ACC REDITED in caps? Isn’t that something you’d want to hide?
A: No! Flaunt your weaknesses. They will become your strengths. Then use a word like prestigious and you can get away with anything.
Watch how everything changes:
Compare:
Glass of milk with Prestigious glass of milk
Bathroom break with Prestigious bathroom break
NON- ACC REDITED degree brought to you by a site called catlover.com with
Prestigious NON ACC REDITED degree
See how easy?

(Prestigious: from the French. “Illusion or glamour; conjuring tricks.” Clever, clever.)

2 Comments:

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